This was a tough regression. Everything about it was so slow and dragging. Everything about this life was exhausting for Katriona. The first part happened when she was 12. She was sold to Shona in exchange for an unpaid debt, and was put to work in a brothel. I get the feeling it was a fairly specialised niche dealing only with young girls, but there was no hope of it ending so I presume it wasn't illegal. Shona was fairly cruel although it doesn't show through much, in the regression I felt a real underlying fear of her. Anyway this is Katriona.
Sometimes I want to write. Sometimes I just want to write for the sake of having something to write. I write because It's who I am, it's what I do best, I create magic from symbols, I create meaning from marks on the parchment. It's what I do, It's who I am. But that's not enough is it. It's not enough to be one person living their life, fulfilling a dream, people always want more. Shona is always punishing me for not taking care of myself. "Who will want a girl with all the ink on their hands. You look like a filthy whore". Then on her kinder days I get "That's not good enough Katriona. That's not what a lady does. Have a little grace Katriona. Be more refined". Refined, like that ever has any meaning in this world, this dirty, infested world where the streets are littered with the poor slowly dying in the streets. Slowly rotting from the inside out, with nothing but a few mangy flea ridden dogs to keep them company. She's deluded, living a fantasy more magical than anything I could create. Refined! The look on these men's faces if they ever found a truly refined lady here. They'd be appauled, outraged, the biggest scandal London has ever seen.
No I'm not refined, and I have no problem with that. I'm here to serve a purpose. Entertainment. For a few brief moments I let these men forget that they are poor, stinking peeniless beggars. I let them breathe their stale ale fumes on me and I lie quiet. I close my eyes and I disappear to a land filled with Dragons and Minotaurs and I wait for them to leave.
Some years later
I'm tired, I've had enough and I just want it to stop. I don't have the will to keep struggling. I just want to go to sleep for a very very long time. Sleep is good, Sleep is quiet and whatever happens doesn't concern me. They tell me I'm old now, I'm worn out and useless. I'm 16 years old and I've outlived my usefulness. The other girls I knew when I first came here are all gone now. At first I didn't know where they went but now I'm pretty sure they are dead. I lasted well I should be proud of that but I don't have the strength for pride. Shona says it's time to go so I'll go, I don't know where but I have no other option. It's really cold. the few scraps of tattered lace that I have left do nothing to keep out the rain. I walk down by the river. I hear a lot of people find shelter there. I settle down among the reeds and graases and finally get some sleep.
Most of the Girls Katriona Knew were either killed during sex or they died from a sexual disease. Part of me thinks that Katriona may have caught something and that's why she was sent out. The lack of energy and the whole slow, plodding pace she spoke at hinted that there was something taking her health. She certainly didn't have the same resilience or attitude at 16 that she had at 12. Not the nicest regression I've ever had.
Tuesday, 16 November 2010
Wednesday, 10 November 2010
Prisoner of War
In this regression I was a Japanese Soldier. I'm not going to talk to much about it right now, I think this one is better to just jump right into. I was male in my early twenties.
I was on a boat, looking out over the water. Suddenly I heard a commotion behind me. I recognised the voice and turned around. It was my brother. He was shouting at the deck hands and brandishing his sword. Demanding to be let onboard. I nodded to the workers and they let him through. He stormed up to me he was angry at me. I tried to stay calm, I loved my brother, we had fought side by side for years now and I owed my life to him many times over. I knew this arguement was coming but I had hoped to avoid it none the less.
He called me a coward and that hurt, it felt like he had reached inside me and ripped my heart out. He was yelling things at me like how I had shamed my family, betrayed my village. I didn't know what to say to him so I kept quiet. I know any words I uttered would only hurt him further. Apologising would have been for my benefit and would bring no comfort to him. He started pushing me, hoping to get a reaction I'd guess. It hurt me almost more than I could bear to see the disappointment in his face but I couldn't give him what he wanted. He wanted me to stay and fight, to be a proper man and protect our village, but I was tired of it all. I was tired of the hatred and the bloodshed. I wanted to be a monk. I wanted to travel the world and write down our legends, I wanted to learn and teach. I was never made to be a soldier and we both knew that deep down.
I looked at him again and he looked panicked. I looked around to see why he was so afraid, the boat was moving. He was trapped onboard. He began shouting again at anyone he could find. I knew why he was scared. People would think he was a deserter too. They would think that he was a coward and run away just like I had. He would be a shame on our family just like I was. This isn't what I wanted. I knew how hard it was to leave everything behind but I had made my choice. This choice was being forced on him and it wasn't right. I went to him, wanting to comfort him in some way. I touched his shoulder and he spun on me. He looked at me and froze. His hand was still on the handle of his blade. Except it was almost touching my tunic. His blade had pierced me all the way through. I fell onto the deck of the boat. It took me a long time to die and all the time My brother stayed with me crying. I was at peace when death finally came.
After this one I spent a long time wondering about my then brother. What happened to him, did he ever make it home. Did he live the rest of his life as a nomad or had he choosen the path that I had wanted. A lot of times in my life now I feel responsible for the choices people make and I think a lot of that comes from this life. I tend to take responsibility for people in a similiar way to which my brother took responsibility for me. I wasn't a coward in this life. I wasn't afraid to fight like he thought, I just wanted another life. I calmer and more peaceful life. One of the more interesting things I learned from this regression is that I didn't need to speak Japanese. I just knew what we were talking about, almost as if it had been translated into English. It kinda makes sense if you think about it.
I was on a boat, looking out over the water. Suddenly I heard a commotion behind me. I recognised the voice and turned around. It was my brother. He was shouting at the deck hands and brandishing his sword. Demanding to be let onboard. I nodded to the workers and they let him through. He stormed up to me he was angry at me. I tried to stay calm, I loved my brother, we had fought side by side for years now and I owed my life to him many times over. I knew this arguement was coming but I had hoped to avoid it none the less.
He called me a coward and that hurt, it felt like he had reached inside me and ripped my heart out. He was yelling things at me like how I had shamed my family, betrayed my village. I didn't know what to say to him so I kept quiet. I know any words I uttered would only hurt him further. Apologising would have been for my benefit and would bring no comfort to him. He started pushing me, hoping to get a reaction I'd guess. It hurt me almost more than I could bear to see the disappointment in his face but I couldn't give him what he wanted. He wanted me to stay and fight, to be a proper man and protect our village, but I was tired of it all. I was tired of the hatred and the bloodshed. I wanted to be a monk. I wanted to travel the world and write down our legends, I wanted to learn and teach. I was never made to be a soldier and we both knew that deep down.
I looked at him again and he looked panicked. I looked around to see why he was so afraid, the boat was moving. He was trapped onboard. He began shouting again at anyone he could find. I knew why he was scared. People would think he was a deserter too. They would think that he was a coward and run away just like I had. He would be a shame on our family just like I was. This isn't what I wanted. I knew how hard it was to leave everything behind but I had made my choice. This choice was being forced on him and it wasn't right. I went to him, wanting to comfort him in some way. I touched his shoulder and he spun on me. He looked at me and froze. His hand was still on the handle of his blade. Except it was almost touching my tunic. His blade had pierced me all the way through. I fell onto the deck of the boat. It took me a long time to die and all the time My brother stayed with me crying. I was at peace when death finally came.
After this one I spent a long time wondering about my then brother. What happened to him, did he ever make it home. Did he live the rest of his life as a nomad or had he choosen the path that I had wanted. A lot of times in my life now I feel responsible for the choices people make and I think a lot of that comes from this life. I tend to take responsibility for people in a similiar way to which my brother took responsibility for me. I wasn't a coward in this life. I wasn't afraid to fight like he thought, I just wanted another life. I calmer and more peaceful life. One of the more interesting things I learned from this regression is that I didn't need to speak Japanese. I just knew what we were talking about, almost as if it had been translated into English. It kinda makes sense if you think about it.
My cave woman days
So it turns out that not all of my regressions require a formal hypnotic induction session. This is one of these times.
This regression happened one night when it was dark windy and rainy. I was lying in bed listening to the sound of the rain as it hammered against my window. Then before I was really aware of what was happening I was somewhere else.
I found myself in a cave. The walls were rough, jaggy stone covered in green slime. There was an opening just in front of me, I crept forward and looked out the opening. The sky was a purple colour and the clouds were racing past so fast, faster than I've ever seen clouds move before. In front of me was water, black threatening water capped of with a white head of foam. The waves were loud. So loud that it was hurting my head. It looked like they were trying to go in every direction at the same time. I was scared, I knew I had to get out of this tiny cave. I tried to grab on to the outside of the cave but the walls were so slippery. I wanted to climb up the rock face but I just couldn't get a grip on anything. I came back inside and sat down huddled against the back wall. I couldn't swim and even if I could I don't think anyone could have swam through the rough water.
The water from the sea started to spray in through the opening in small cave. The cold icy shards made my skin ache everytime it touched me. The water was getting higher, I could feel it. There was no point in shouting, I knew no one was around, and even if they were they weren't going to waste the time helping a person like me. As the water climbed higher up the cliff face the waves slammed into the cave knocking me hard back against the sharp rocks behind me. The rocks tore up the skin on my back and arms and the sea salt punished me further as it soaked into my wounds. At one point a large wave came in and knocked my face hard against the wall. Something happened to my eye. I couldn't see out of it and there was blood seeping out from under my fingers as I held my hand to my face. My forehead was cut pretty badly too and there was a pounding pain in my head. Eventually I slipped into sleep.
Normally my regressions are quite calm, even when I see myself dying I know that it's not happening to me now and that everything is going to be ok. This is the only regression I've experienced where I was panicked. I think that it was because I wasn't prepared for it.
There are always several things that you just "know" about yourself while you are being regressed and a couple of these showed up for me. One of them was that people thought of me as a "scourge" they didn't want me around. I scared them for whatever reason. The cave had been created by the people who put me into it. It was used as a means to punish criminals, murderers mostly. It was cheaper than hanging.
I'm pretty sure that I had fractured my skull when the last wave hit me. I know if it hadn't happened that way eventually the water would have filled up the cave and I would have drowned. If I had tried to swim in all likelihood I'd have been crushed against the rocks anyway. If I had climbed to the top "they" would have been waiting for me. It was really a pretty effective way to execute someone.
I have no idea what time this life was based in. There were no people around me and I was dressed in something resembling a burlap sack. My guess is that this is what all prisoners wore. I don't think it was too long ago because the people were obviously advanced enough to create the hole on the cliff face and find some way to get me down there.
This regression happened one night when it was dark windy and rainy. I was lying in bed listening to the sound of the rain as it hammered against my window. Then before I was really aware of what was happening I was somewhere else.
I found myself in a cave. The walls were rough, jaggy stone covered in green slime. There was an opening just in front of me, I crept forward and looked out the opening. The sky was a purple colour and the clouds were racing past so fast, faster than I've ever seen clouds move before. In front of me was water, black threatening water capped of with a white head of foam. The waves were loud. So loud that it was hurting my head. It looked like they were trying to go in every direction at the same time. I was scared, I knew I had to get out of this tiny cave. I tried to grab on to the outside of the cave but the walls were so slippery. I wanted to climb up the rock face but I just couldn't get a grip on anything. I came back inside and sat down huddled against the back wall. I couldn't swim and even if I could I don't think anyone could have swam through the rough water.
The water from the sea started to spray in through the opening in small cave. The cold icy shards made my skin ache everytime it touched me. The water was getting higher, I could feel it. There was no point in shouting, I knew no one was around, and even if they were they weren't going to waste the time helping a person like me. As the water climbed higher up the cliff face the waves slammed into the cave knocking me hard back against the sharp rocks behind me. The rocks tore up the skin on my back and arms and the sea salt punished me further as it soaked into my wounds. At one point a large wave came in and knocked my face hard against the wall. Something happened to my eye. I couldn't see out of it and there was blood seeping out from under my fingers as I held my hand to my face. My forehead was cut pretty badly too and there was a pounding pain in my head. Eventually I slipped into sleep.
Normally my regressions are quite calm, even when I see myself dying I know that it's not happening to me now and that everything is going to be ok. This is the only regression I've experienced where I was panicked. I think that it was because I wasn't prepared for it.
There are always several things that you just "know" about yourself while you are being regressed and a couple of these showed up for me. One of them was that people thought of me as a "scourge" they didn't want me around. I scared them for whatever reason. The cave had been created by the people who put me into it. It was used as a means to punish criminals, murderers mostly. It was cheaper than hanging.
I'm pretty sure that I had fractured my skull when the last wave hit me. I know if it hadn't happened that way eventually the water would have filled up the cave and I would have drowned. If I had tried to swim in all likelihood I'd have been crushed against the rocks anyway. If I had climbed to the top "they" would have been waiting for me. It was really a pretty effective way to execute someone.
I have no idea what time this life was based in. There were no people around me and I was dressed in something resembling a burlap sack. My guess is that this is what all prisoners wore. I don't think it was too long ago because the people were obviously advanced enough to create the hole on the cliff face and find some way to get me down there.
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