This was a tough regression. Everything about it was so slow and dragging. Everything about this life was exhausting for Katriona. The first part happened when she was 12. She was sold to Shona in exchange for an unpaid debt, and was put to work in a brothel. I get the feeling it was a fairly specialised niche dealing only with young girls, but there was no hope of it ending so I presume it wasn't illegal. Shona was fairly cruel although it doesn't show through much, in the regression I felt a real underlying fear of her. Anyway this is Katriona.
Sometimes I want to write. Sometimes I just want to write for the sake of having something to write. I write because It's who I am, it's what I do best, I create magic from symbols, I create meaning from marks on the parchment. It's what I do, It's who I am. But that's not enough is it. It's not enough to be one person living their life, fulfilling a dream, people always want more. Shona is always punishing me for not taking care of myself. "Who will want a girl with all the ink on their hands. You look like a filthy whore". Then on her kinder days I get "That's not good enough Katriona. That's not what a lady does. Have a little grace Katriona. Be more refined". Refined, like that ever has any meaning in this world, this dirty, infested world where the streets are littered with the poor slowly dying in the streets. Slowly rotting from the inside out, with nothing but a few mangy flea ridden dogs to keep them company. She's deluded, living a fantasy more magical than anything I could create. Refined! The look on these men's faces if they ever found a truly refined lady here. They'd be appauled, outraged, the biggest scandal London has ever seen.
No I'm not refined, and I have no problem with that. I'm here to serve a purpose. Entertainment. For a few brief moments I let these men forget that they are poor, stinking peeniless beggars. I let them breathe their stale ale fumes on me and I lie quiet. I close my eyes and I disappear to a land filled with Dragons and Minotaurs and I wait for them to leave.
Some years later
I'm tired, I've had enough and I just want it to stop. I don't have the will to keep struggling. I just want to go to sleep for a very very long time. Sleep is good, Sleep is quiet and whatever happens doesn't concern me. They tell me I'm old now, I'm worn out and useless. I'm 16 years old and I've outlived my usefulness. The other girls I knew when I first came here are all gone now. At first I didn't know where they went but now I'm pretty sure they are dead. I lasted well I should be proud of that but I don't have the strength for pride. Shona says it's time to go so I'll go, I don't know where but I have no other option. It's really cold. the few scraps of tattered lace that I have left do nothing to keep out the rain. I walk down by the river. I hear a lot of people find shelter there. I settle down among the reeds and graases and finally get some sleep.
Most of the Girls Katriona Knew were either killed during sex or they died from a sexual disease. Part of me thinks that Katriona may have caught something and that's why she was sent out. The lack of energy and the whole slow, plodding pace she spoke at hinted that there was something taking her health. She certainly didn't have the same resilience or attitude at 16 that she had at 12. Not the nicest regression I've ever had.
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